


lost connection with the head

by irlbyron



Series: Trans Athelstan Fics [1]
Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: AU, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Kissing, M/M, Trans Athelstan, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2776685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlbyron/pseuds/irlbyron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Althena has a secret, one that Ragnar eventually figures out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a serious or dramatic fic, just a bit of self-indulgent fluffy trans fic. I am transmasculine myself. In this fic Athelstan is about 19 and Ragnar and Lagertha are in their mid to late 20s, around 25-27, so if that's not good for you, then you might not want to read.

Ragnar wasn't sure why he’d taken such a liking to the young nun whom Rollo had nearly killed along with the monks. All Ragnar knew is that he hadn't wanted her dead and that seemed to be enough right now. Lagertha was a little bit suspicious at first; she worried that Ragnar would run away with the young nun, only 19 years old, named Althena, but eventually Lagertha too had become partial to her.

* * *

It had been several months since Althena had been taken from her monastery in England, and Ragnar felt she was settling in. However, she still exhibited strange habits that Ragnar found ridiculously puzzling. She refused to change in front of Ragnar, which he initially mistook for modesty. But when he spied on her one time (something he still felt shame for), he noticed that Althena kept as much of her body covered as possible, and refused to look at herself. Once again, Ragnar briefly believed it was something to do with Althena’s religion, but as he saw her catch sight of her reflection in glass and see her breasts, Ragnar saw her bite back a sob as she turned away, seemingly appalled at her appearance. He resolved to discuss this issue with her when he could.


	2. Chapter 2

About a week after Ragnar had seen Althena changing, he finally cornered her in their dwelling. Althena had been avoiding him more than usual, and Ragnar had become determined to find the source of her strange behaviour.

“Althena, you have been acting in such a bizarre fashion of late; I command you to tell me what is troubling you” He demanded. Althena swallowed nervously, and attempted to move past Ragnar, but he blocked her easily. “Do not try that, nun. It will not end in your favour” He snapped, but gently guided her to a bench where they sat together. Ragnar’s voice lowered and became gentler. “Althena, I beg of you, tell me what troubles you. I do not treat you poorly, do I? You have nothing to hide” He implored.

Althena shook her head, eyes glistening. “It is nothing you can fix; it is a mortal sin in the eyes of my God. I am an abomination” She muttered. She grasped the cross around her neck, the ever-present shame growing stronger in Ragnar’s presence.

Ragnar shook his head. “Althena, we are not with your God, you are in my world, and here our Gods are far more… open minded than yours” He assured her. “Now I beg of you, tell me what is wrong. It shall stay between us if that is your wish”. 

Althena took a deep breath, nodding again. Ragnar waited as she fiddled with her crucifix.

“Ragnar I… I do not believe I belong in the body I was born with”. Seeing his confused expression, she elaborated, a sob building in her throat. “Ragnar, I am a man. Only the world of flesh and blood has betrayed me, leaving in this cage, forcing me to appear as a woman when I truly believe I am not” Althena finished, choking on the last word and breaking down in tears.


	3. Chapter 3

Ragnar did not move or speak for a few seconds, digesting Althena’s confession. When he finally spoke, it was quiet, barely above a whisper. “So… you do not wish to be known as a woman. I assume that is why you dislike looking at yourself?” 

Althena nodded through the tears.   
“I despise my appearance, and the way I am spoken to because of it. I am called she and her and woman and I hate it. My curves, my long hair, my breasts…” He stopped there, a sob catching in his throat. Althena buried his face in his hands, crying quietly. 

Ragnar was unsure of what to do. He had no experience dealing with this kind of issue. He did not think less of Althena because of it, but he didn't know how to proceed.

“Do you wish to be called by a different name? And by masculine titles?” Ragnar asked. 

Althena’s head shot up in surprise. “Y-yes, ideally I would be known by masculine titles. But… my apologies, but this is not the reaction I anticipated. You do not abhor me for this?” He asked, his confusion briefly snapping him out of tears. Ragnar paused.

“While this is admittedly a bit strange to me, I see no reason to think less of you for it. Of course, others may not understand as much, but as long as you are under my care they will not harm you. If you wish to be known as a man, I will know you as one” Ragnar explained. “Is there a name you would prefer?” 

The other man nodded “I would like… I want to be called Athelstan. It is a name I heard once, a priest. I took a liking to it” He murmured, voice still thick from his crying. “Ragnar I…I don’t know how to express my gratitude to you. My compatriots in England would likely have been… less understanding of my sins. I am supposed to appreciate the body God gave me but I just can’t.” He lamented.

Ragnar shook his head, putting his arm around the other man. “You are not a sinner. The way you feel is nothing to be ashamed of.” He pressed a soft kiss to Athelstan’s temple. 

Athelstan froze briefly at the contact, then pressed closer to the man, hiding his face in Ragnar’s neck. “I’m sorry” He murmured. “I am your slave, you have no reason to treat me so well. But you do.” 

“Shh, don’t be ridiculous. I care for you very much, and so does Lagertha. I assure you she will be just as understanding, and will think no less of you. Do you want to see her?” Ragnar asked, not wanting to push Athelstan. 

Athelstan paused, and nodded. “Yes, she should know about my… situation” He agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athelstan comes out to Lagertha. No warning because there's no angst, don't worry.

Athelstan was wringing his hands, nervous nearly out of his mind. He didn't want to lie to Lagertha, and Ragnar had reassured him that she would react kindly, but all the same he could not shake the guilt and shame that so often plagued his thoughts. Ragnar noticed the young man's nervousness and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. 

"You have nothing to worry about, my boy. Lagertha is a kind and understanding woman. She is my wife after all" He joked. 

Athelstan smiled nervously, as he and Ragnar stepped into Lagertha's room. The shieldmaden looked up and smiled. "Husband! And Althena, what brings you here?" Her smile faded as her husband sat down with Althelstan, looking solemn. 

"Not wrong per say, but we have something to share with you, don't we Athelstan?" Ragnar said, looking at Athelstan and gesturing to Lagertha, who looked confused at the new name. Athelstan swallowed anxiously, and tried to make eye contact with Lagertha. 

"Lagertha, my lady, I must tell you... I-I truly am not a woman. I am in body, but in mind and soul I am a man. I'm sorry, if you no longer want an abomination as your slave I understand if-" Athelstan struggled before Lagertha silenced him by wrapping her arms around him and pulling him to her chest. 

"I understand. It's ok, I do not fault you at all. You are not an abomination, and I still wish for you to stay with us" She said, stroking Athelstan's back. 

Athelstan froze again; affection still being something he was getting used to, but tentatively returned the embrace, crying softly into Lagertha's chest. 

"Thank you my lady" He hiccuped. "Thank you for your kindness. 

Lagertha slowly released Athelstan, holding his face in her hands. "Athelstan was it?" When he nodded, he continued. "Athelstan, Ragnar and I have both grown to care for you, and we want you to be happy in our care. We are both willing to whatever we can to make you comfortable".

Ragnar nodded in agreement. "Lagertha speaks the truth, Athelstan. Now, you mentioned disliking your appearance. Is there anything we can do to remedy that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter. I didn't have Lagertha reject Athelstan because I didn't want any more angst for him. :-)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter does contain descriptions of unsafe binding so please DO NOT bind with bandages, they can break your rips and puncture your lungs. Do not do the thing.

Athelstan blushed, looking away from the couple. “I, uh, I want to hide my, uh, breasts most of all” He admitted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Ragnar and Lagertha nodded in unison. “Well, I know what to do about that. Many times in battle when I have been injured, I have needed to bind my breasts. We will need cloth and something to hold it together” She said, taking command very efficiently, as per usual.

Ragnar nodded, moving to search for the things Lagertha had used when she was injured. Handing them to her, he sat next to Athelstan, kissing him chastely on the temple again. Lagertha shook her head, while motioning for Athelstan to remove his clothing. When he hesitated, she spoke up.

“Athelstan, you need not be shy. We want to help you. Here” She pulled his clothing over his head, exposing his breasts.

He made to cover them, before Lagertha grabbed his forearms. “I need you to hold the end of this cloth on your side. I’ll wrap it round you and it should flatten your chest.”

Athelstan nodded, biting his lip

“Good boy” Lagertha murmured as she wrapped it around his chest.

Athelstan blushed at the praise, but was quickly distracted by how flat his chest was becoming.

“Oh” he gasped quietly.

Ragnar smiled. “See Athelstan, your body doesn’t have to betray you. You can make it your own” he said.

When Lagertha finished with Athelstan’s bindings, she pulled his shirt back over his head, and kissed his forehead softly. Athelstan blushed.

“Thank you my lady” he whispered. “Thank you Ragnar, sir”. The ‘sir’ was a slip of the tongue, but Ragnar paid no attention, pulling Athelstan close to him in a tight embrace.

“It’s ok, you’re fine. Good boy” he murmured, kissing Athelstan’s hair.

Ragnar had guessed Athelstan liked the praise, and this was confirmed when he went red and hid his face in Ragnar’s shoulder, smiling.

“Now Athelstan, what can we do about your hair?” Lagertha asked, laughing when Athelstan’s head shot up in surprise.


	6. Chapter 6

All three of them were sat on the bed, Lagertha behind Athelstan as she ran her hands through Athelstan’s long curly dark hair. “Are you sure you want to cut it?” She asked softly.

Athelstan nodded. “Y-yes, really short. Please” He implored. Lagertha nodded, reaching for the blade.

“Ok, Athelstan, I’m starting at the bottom, and I’ll cut it till it's just past your ears. Does that sound good?” She asked. Athelstan nodded. “Ok, try and stay still, I don’t want to cut you”.

As it turned out, Lagertha was fairly skilled at cutting hair, and once she was finished, Athelstan looked even more like a young man, about 18, with his smooth face and short curly hair. When Ragnar brought over a reflective dish and Athelstan saw himself, with his flat chest and short boyish hair, he gasped, and a sob caught in his throat.

Ragnar sat behind him, and wound his arms round Athelstan’s waist. Lagertha sat next to him and held Athelstan’s hands tight. “Look, Athelstan, you make a very handsome boy” Ragnar said, kissing Athelstan’s neck, making him blush, but not look away this time.

“I love you. Both of you” he mumbled, looking down at his lap. Lagertha smiled, and kissed Athelstan’s hands.

“We love you too Athelstan” she said, spinning Athelstan around to so he could face them.

Athelstan didn’t move, staring up at Ragnar, looking at the older man’s lips. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Lagertha, he did, but he wanted to kiss Ragnar so bad. He moved forward and softly pressed his lips to Ragnar’s, closing his eyes. Ragnar froze briefly, surprise at Athelstan’s forwardness, but quickly leaned into the kiss.

From the sidelines, Lagertha smiled at her boys. She loved both of them, but she knew that Athelstan needed lots of affection. She had seen the way Athelstan looked at Ragnar, and vice versa.

Athelstan pulled away first, his face bright red, something that seemed to happen a lot recently. “Sorry I’ve never done that before, I’m not sure how to…” he gestured at Ragnar and Lagertha.

Lagertha laughed. “It’s ok Athelstan, we can show you, if you’d like” She said huskily.

She pulled Athelstan closer to herself and kissed him softly. Athelstan made a soft noise of surprise, but leaned into this kiss. They kept it closed for a while, before Lagertha parted his lips with a swipe of her tongue. Athelstan squeaked but kept the kiss going, letting Lagertha lead. When they eventually parted, Athelstan was flushed, and his mouth open slightly.

“You did good Athelstan. Very good” Lagertha praised. Athelstan hid his face in his hands, getting flustered as he always did when he was praised.

“Thank you Lagertha” He whispered.

He yawned and rubbed at his eyes, suddenly realising how tired he was. "Can we sleep?" He mumbled.

Lagertha laughed at his sleepy behaviour, and nodded, "Yes it's late, we should be sleeping anyway. Athelstan, you have to take your bindings off. Sleeping in them could cause damage" She continued, softer and gentler than before.

Athelstan nodded, clearly unhappy about this. "Can you help me? I don't want to look" He mumbled.

Lagertha nodded, gently pulling Athelstan's shirt off and, with Ragnar's help, undid Athelstan's bindings.

When his breasts were exposed, he looked away, biting his lip against tears. Ragnar saw this and cupped Athelstan's face in his hands.

"Athelstan, it's ok. You're very beautiful, you don't need to be ashamed" He said softly, gentler than his usual tone of voice.

Athelstan nodded. "Thank you. Please, can I put my shirt back on?" He asked, his voice thick and wavering.

Lagertha pulled his shirt back over his head and kissed his forehead gently.

"Come on, let us sleep. You're sleeping in our bed tonight" She said. "Don't worry, we won't do anything you don't want us to do" She added, seeing the worry on his face.

“Bed now. I love you” Ragnar said softly, pulling the covers over the three of him and kissing Athelstan gently.

“Love you too” Athelstan mumbled in reply, before dropping off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So shall I finish it here? If anyone has any plot ideas please share because this is the last thing I wrote and I don't really have anything else?  
> Thanks everyone.


End file.
